hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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