Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
That accounts for only three of the penises
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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