I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
