he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
