He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
