I'm drive I can fine osifer
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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