tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
