Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
No stitches, just platelets and will power
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
