So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
