What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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