Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
