The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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