sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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