was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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