So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Your dad touched me again.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
