I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Too much gin, very little bucket
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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