All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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