Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
