oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
