Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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