Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
