I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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