I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
