i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
