Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
