is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
