then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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