At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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