also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
