Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We had to coat check the pizza.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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