I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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