I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
