mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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