i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I think I just sharted jello shots
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