Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
