Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
