I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
