I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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