If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
