wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
