I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
