You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
