We named our party play list daddy issues
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
