You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
