Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
