I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
