so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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