You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
