I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
