Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
