My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
