I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
