Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Randomize
