I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
