I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
